I have the weirdest dreams

Lately, I've been sick. But it's not quite a sickness that kept me within the confines of my mind. You know, they tell you addiction is not a sickness. And maybe they're right. In a way you consciously decide to remain ill, a decision fully supported by your body. And you certainly need medicine to keep your body moving. yet it's something strangely appealing to it.
For me, Even when it became ordinary and my brain started taking it more as a daily ritual rather than an attempt to cause me pleasure, I still liked to linger to that state of numbness. Absent of joy, I still remained hooked on the illusion. Her illusion.
Having her around was like living in a pharmacy. I had the disease, she had the cure. Months passed by and my mind was corroded by substance. Even my soul itself started to bend and break to her will. It was such peculiar feeling. I've been nothing but the kindest friend to her and I knew that was not enough. I knew that deep within her she wanted to rip my throat out the day I stood silent after she asked for a chance. In a way, her question did that for her.
So there I was, her hand in mine. laying lividly on a couch. Some thoughts gathered timidly on the back of the head. I felt lucky to have her around. I felt glad to have her around. I felt like I loved her. At this point there was no differenciating between her and HER. I loved, though I did not know the object of my affection. My life was only a present stopped in time like an hourglass laying on the side. No future, no past. Everything else  was fogged memory.
She kept me doped all the time, eyes closed in narcotic reverie. Until one day, when by mistake, I broke loose from the hunger. She had to go for two weeks. And I stood there waiting, a day, two, three. On the 4th I went out, I was walking. My eyes were still hazy and the breath of air I took almost hurt. Yes, it hurt my lungs to breathe fresh air again. I felt them heavy, like sponges full of tar. I had nothing to ingest, nothing to burn. I remember buying an ice cream. I took small bites from it and it felt unusual. It felt strange and I couldn't find a reason for it. The next couple of days, all I did was rediscover life. I smelled everything, I touched everything and sometimes I even tasted stuff that people normally don't, like nails or wood. I felt like one of those aliens in movies , that is sent to a foreign planet to collect information. My brain gazed in awe at everything before my feet. I was just like a child born yesterday. In a week, I was born and grew back to my age. When I got my senses back I felt a bit disappointed. I felt like a man who has been lied to all his life that he's sick and now I broke the leather studded ribbons on my hands. In a way, it was my fault for never getting out of bed to see If I'm healthy. So I packed my bags. I only left a note behind "I guess I wasn't sick after all".